Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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