you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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