just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
