I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I need a burrito and a hug.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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