Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?

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(319): View more from Iowa

Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.

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(614): View more from Ohio

I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.

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(970): View more from Colorado

We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.

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(319): View more from Iowa

We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever

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(701): View more from North Dakota

He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.

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(334): View more from Alabama

I just found out why people like handcuffs.

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