When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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