Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
