No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Also, beer. Big fan.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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