oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
