Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.