It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
