I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
