Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
