Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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