I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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