Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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