Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
