dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
