i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
