i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
