Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
