I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
