There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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