We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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