Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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