If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
