Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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