wanna go halves on a baby?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
