i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
