It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
