Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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