So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
