This house was built for laser tag.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
