There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
