the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
