Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
