life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
