Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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