dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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