One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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