I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
