believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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