She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
