I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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