Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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