she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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