Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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