I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
