we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
