mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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