Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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