i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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