guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
