He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize