Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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