life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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