Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
