Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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