All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
