No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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