i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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