In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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