he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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