Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
