were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
