So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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