textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm both gender and math confused
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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