Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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