Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
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Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Semen is not good for contacts.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
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Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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