Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
