i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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