How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
