not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
